If you feel so moved by the selfless love I bring to you and the world at large that you cannot help but be flooded with gratitude, and you wish to make a handsome donation (upward of £5,000,000) so that I may someday have enough money to build myself a private fortress on a Caribbean island, you can do so here. Thank you.

(This won’t make me fall in love with you or authenticate your fabulous Kenshō.)